Brownian Motion

"Aapki shaadi ab tak nahi hui?"

Every single desi guy answerable to that question has a funda leading to an answer, of his own.

"Global Warming", this is a close childhood friend of mine.
On being asked how, he replies: "I did not buy a vehicle because of global warming.
The roads of Bangalore are narrow and the traffic unmanageable, that adds to the problem of owning a vehicle. Because of parking problems and long transit durations stemming from heavy traffic, everyone wants to live in the city and hence land rates and apartment rents have gone up in Bangalore (BLR) city. Because of these two problems combined, I live on the outskirts of the city and travel by bus to work everyday."
"Since, the cost of a basic 2 bedroom apartment at BLR is now 50 lakh rupees (which is extremely high for a young desi at BLR), every one wants to be a software engineer and go work on an onsite (USA/UK/EU) project for 3-5 years, scrimp a lot, come back to India, put half the amount in downpayment, do EMIs for the rest. (And if planned well, have a US citizen baby in the meanwhile). If both spouses are software engineers, that wait time is reduced by half. This is why everyone wants to marry a software engineer at BLR, and I am not one. So, because of global warming and this vicious circle spawned by it, I am unmarried."

Another chap: "I can cook and do my own f*cking laundry, then why the f*ck would I want to waste my salary on f*cking teddy bears and f*cking Prada sunglasses that she will lose anyway...Its a bad investment man. I will put all my money in international trading, drive a Ferrari at 30, and die single".

In the middle of last year on a lazy sunday afternoon, sitting on the balcony in the 19$ outdoor chair that I picked up at Walmart, I was thinking...why am I unmarried? Jim, my middle aged divorced neighbor, smoking his cheap cigar in the neighboring balcony, with his belly hanging out from his undershirt while smilingly eyeing the nubile single mom walking on the road, was impervious to my deeply desi thoughts about marriage. That is when Robert Brown's words from my High School science physics text book came running to my rescue.
Here is my concept:

Brown-ian Motion -

Robert Brown explained the random motion of atoms in a fluid, kept in a contained environment. It goes as follows:

In a given Set A of N atoms, comprising of species X and Y (mass M1 and M2), contained in a closed environment without external influences/forces. The pattern of random movement of atom X (mass M1) will depend on the total number of atoms N and the ratio of masses M1/M2.

The Mean Free Path (without colliding with the next atom) of atom X will be longer if N decreases or M1/M2 increases.

A very nice animation of this phenomenon is given here, where you may also tweak the ratios and look at the concept in action.

Consider this: X is the average desi male living in the US. Y, of course, is the female counterpart. Ratio M1/M2 is the pull of attraction. Since the total number of desis in the US is low, there is very low probability of X colliding with Y. Also, if M1/M2 is a not strong enough, then M1 will deflect marginally before continuing on its earlier path.

If atom X is taken to a Set B (India), the total number of atoms N, tends to infinity. Hence the Mean Free Path of apna atom X is greatly reduced between collisions. It experiences a great number of collisions (k), and a high impact head-on collision K will result in an ionic bond between atoms X and Y. Other atoms from the same slot in the periodic table will attend their collision by taking 4 days of medical leave.

Unfortunately, I belong to Set A, which is the reason for my singlicity.

Image Courtesy: gutenberg.org, Rob Schurko